Sympathy for the Devil
by LokiLove24028
Summary: Spencer Reid is finally free of Tobias Hankel and the tortures he brought down upon the young FBI agent. Now he is faced with a new challenge of coping with the new struggles in his life, specifically his newly formed Dilaudid addiction. His best friends and coworkers are worried and try to help Spencer through his struggles but will it be enough? Picks up end of 2x15 Revelations
1. The Funeral

Before I get started I wanted to explain first of all the title The song at the beginning of episode 2x15 revelations where spencer gets kidnapped is called sympathy for the devil. The title of this chapter is called the funeral after the song the funeral is played at the very end of the episode which is what the video is up there Thank you!

Spencer stuffed the drugs into his pocket hoping no one like Gideon had seen him. He knew he shouldn't, Dilaudid is a generic form of Hydromorphone and the abuse has been increasing year by year all over the US, but he felt like he couldn't help it. It helped him get away, forget. 'Only if I need it, just one more time' Spencer thought to himself. Although knowing the addiction rate if drugs like Dilaudid, he couldn't fool himself. He didn't want to go down this path, but...

"Spencer! Come on, baby boy. We aren't losing you again." Morgan's voice carried through the ominous scene of the graveyard, making Spencer jump. Reid shook his head as if to rid of the paranoia and took a step towards Morgan and felt a sharp pain shoot through his leg and travel all the way up his spine. Spencer collapsed, just barely able to catch himself on one knee before he completely fell.

"Spencer!" Morgan exclaimed as he ran to his side.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." Spencer assures him. Derek helped Spencer wrap his arm around his shoulders before helping him stand. The outline of his other team members stood with flashlights on the other side, waiting for them. Spencer let himself hang heavily on Morgan while feeling weaker than he's ever felt in his life. Reid limped along, feeling pain everywhere in his body. He knew he was shaking but he couldn't stop as much as he tried. He was literally digging his own grave a minute ago, he couldn't blame himself.

Hotch had already called for medics when they had reached the gates if the graveyard. Tons of people in white swarmed Spencer, probing him with medical instruments. The team didn't stray far as if they were afraid of losing him again. Reid just closed his eyes in relief And let the medics do their work. He was shaken up pretty badly, but he also felt unbelievably relieved. He honestly didn't know if he was going to get out of there alive.

"Don't do that, Reid!" Morgan's voice came from next to him.

"Do what?" Reid asked in a strained voice while glancing over at Derek who was eyeing him worriedly.

"Closing your eyes like that."

Spencer chuckled and looked at the ground and back up at Morgan again.

"I'll be fine." He said even though it came out sounding weak and shaky. Spencer gasped as a medic poked a spot on his back that he hit particularly hard when he fell backwards in the chair in the cabin. Morgan put a hand on his shoulder and JJ ran up to them.

"You ok, Spence?" JJ asked, her eyebrows drawn together. Sure all of the team had been worried about him, but Spencer could tell that it really tore JJ apart.

"Fine. Just a little sore." He said in a small voice. JJ bit her bottom lip and gently wrapped an arm around his back. Reid gave her a weak smile and rested his head on her shoulder. He didn't think he'd ever be able to hug his friends again. He believed what he kept telling everyone though: he would be fine. He was going to go home.

Spencer lied up against the Arm of the couch in the plane. His arms were crossed over the arm and his head laid on top of his arms peacefully with his hair spilling over half of his face. He looked noticeably weaker and even thinner if it was possible. Reid looked incredibly young as his back slowly rose and fell with his breathing.

"Look at how cute he is when he's sleeping." JJ whispered to her team sitting around the chairs on the plane.

"And not talking." Morgan added, looking over at Reid. JJ rolled her eyes at Derek.

"You know you missed him." JJ smirked. Derek shrugged with a hint of a grin as they watched their colleague and one of their best friends sleep.

"Yeah, I did miss the kid." Derek admitted.

"I still think he should've gone to the hospital."

"He said he was ok, JJ. Reid's stronger than he looks." Derek assured her even though she continued to look at Spencer with worry.

"He's going to need some time off, though." Hotch spoke up while looking over at the youngest member of their team.

"You know he won't like that Hotch."  
>Derek pointed out. Aaron Hotchner chuckled and shook his head.<p>

"It's an order." He muttered, although not unkindly.

The team spent a moment in silence until Reid shifted in his sleep. He buried his face in his arms and moaned something incoherent. Everyone turned to check on him as he started to mumble things into his arms.

"Don't want it..." He muttered, his eyebrows drawn together. JJ got out of her seat to go sit next to Spencer who was curled up on one side of the couch.

"Please..." She heard him whimper, making her chest ache. She hated the fact that he had been hurting so long and they couldn't find him or save him. She hated that it had been him instead if her and that she didn't go run after him when she still could. Even now he hadn't fully escaped, the situation plaguing his nightmares.

"Spence..." She whispered, rubbing his back making him cringe away.

"No, kill me..." Spencer muttered as he curled up tighter. JJ tried not to sound too distressed as she shook Reid's shoulder.

"Spence, come on wake up." Jennifer tried again. With a sudden jerk, Spencer's eyes flew open and he pushed himself up. He groaned and rubbed his eyes as he sat up on the couch and rested his elbows on his knees. The plan was silent as Spencer ran his hands trough his hair. JJ kept a hand on his back as he calmed himself down.

After a while, Spencer seemed to have notice that everyone was watching him with a concerned stare. Red looked confused as he looked sound at everyone of his worried team members.

"Um... Sorry?" Spencer choked out. Morgan chuckled and got up to give Spencer's shoulder a squeeze before making his way to a chair in the back to find some sleep himself.

JJ wrapped her arms around Spencer's torso and lied her head on his shoulder. The rest of the team returned back to their work or went back to sleep.

"You should go back to sleep, you need it." JJ said, looking up at Reid. He looked down at her and gave her a weak smile.

"I'm afraid I'll- I'll wake up in the cabin again..." He said hurriedly. JJ felt him shaking ever so slightly in her arms so she held him tighter.

"I'll stay right her beside you, Spence." she told him. Spencer smiled and leaned his head into hers. They stayed like that for a while until JJ heard his weak voice.

"Okay..." was all he said. JJ released Reid so that he could lie back down on the arm if the couch and close his eyes. She felt the warmth if affection build up in her chest as she watched her best friend sleep safely besides her. she listened to his breathing slow until she was sure that he was asleep. Jennifer stood and crouched down next to Spencer to brush the hair from his forehead so that she could gently kiss it.

"We all love you, Spence." she whispered. "You'll always be our baby brother." JJ kissed his forehead one more time before going to sit back down next to Reid. As she sunk into the couch, she just barely heard him mumble one last thing.

"Love you too..." 


	2. The Privelege, Power, and Love

"Jayge..."

"Spence."

"It's not necessary, I don't want to bother you!"

"Bother me!? Spencer, I-"

"Spencer." Hotch interrupted JJ who was arguing with Spencer. Reid looked at him expectantly. "It's not a bad idea." Hotch finished making Spencer sigh as he rubbed his eyes. They had his gotten off the plane and Morgan was about to drive him home when JJ stopped them. She was desperately trying to get Spencer to stay at her place because she thought he was unfit to stay alone. No matter how hard he tried to convince her, she was stubborn. Now that Hotch piped in, Spencer felt like there was no arguing. Maybe he didn't want to be alone after all... He'd like some company.

"Alright you win." Reid said, defeated. JJ smiled, satisfied. Morgan clapped Reid on the back one last time for the night.

"Night Reid. Glad you're ok." he said. "G'night everyone!" he called before turning and going to his car. Spencer got two more pats on the back from Hotch and Gideon as well as a quick hug from Emily. Overall, Spencer felt extremely loved and grateful for his friends. The thought if them got him through the harshness if Tobias, his father, and Rafael. Them and his mother of course.

"Ready Spence? We'll stop at your place on the way there." Jennifer said, putting a hand in his shoulder. Spencer nodded and together they walked to her car.

"Ah!" Spencer yelped involuntarily as he jumped in pain. JJ gave him a sympathetic look.

"Sorry, sorry... almost done." she ha his leg across her lap and was wrapping gauze around his ankles and feet that 'Tobias's father' had abused. The whole time Spencer was either grimacing in pain or giving facts about why the bottom of your feet are sensitive. His hair was still wet from his shower, a stray strand hanging down over his face. He wore a gray tee shirt and lose plaid pajama bottoms. JJ had been helping him wrap up his wounds but he wouldn't let her even look at his arms. she didn't ask why, but she looked ssuspicious.

"Aaaaand done." JJ concluded. Spencer let out a sigh of relief and pulled his legs off JJ's lap and yawned.

"Come on, genius. You can sleep in my bed and I will sleep on the floor if you need anything." She said, causing Spencer to frown at her.

"Absolutely not. I already set up on the floor."

"Spencer, after everything you've been through-"

"After everything I have been through I don't want to be treated like an incapable baby, Jayge."

"That's not what we think..."

"I know... just- i'll happily take the floor. In fact I often fall asleep in the middle of my floor when reading. I'm used to it." Spencer reassured her. JJ sighed and put a hand on the side of his face gently.

"Alright." she said after looking into his pleading eyes.

"Hey, wake up sleepy head." Spencer woke up to JJ's voice. He stirred under his tangle blankets and buried his face into the pillow, moaning.

"Spencer!" JJ said louder this time. Reid snapped his head up ad squinted against the light. He had a rough start to the night, waking up about every 15 minutes and apologizing to JJ for waking her through his desperate sobs. As the night went on however, Spencer seemed to get used to the fact that he was safe and away from Tobias. Luckily, neither of them had to wake up early that morning. Reid Because he wasn't allowed back at work while he was healing and JJ because everyone else was told by Hotch to come in later than usual after the wearing case... both emotionally and physically.

"I'm going to head off to work. You wanna go home or stick around here?" She asked him. Reid sat up and rubbed his eyes while thinking about what she said. "I have waffles!" JJ added raising her eyebrows at him. Spencer gave her a half smile and answered in a slightly raspy voice.

"Well how can I pass up that?"

JJ smiled and brushed the hair off if Spencer's forehead to kiss it. He gave her a sad smile that made her heart warm. She had felt so awful for so long about letting Spence get kidnapped. It felt good to take care of him for a while.

"I've gotta go, Spence. They're in the kitchen help yourself to anything." She said. Spencer nodded.

"Thanks for everything, Jayge." he thanked. "Wish I could go too..."

JJ sighed and squeezed his shoulder.

"I know Spence, but Hotch said..."

"I know what Hotch said!" Spencer burst out snappily. JJ raised her eyebrows at him in which, but he already felt guilty.

"I'm so sorry, Jayge." Reid said, pulling her into his arms. She knew he didn't mean it so she let him before pulling back.

"I'll talk to Hotch about lowering the time, kay?"

Spencer took a deep breath and nodded while smoothing his ruffled hair down.

"Thanks again, JJ."

"Anytime, Spence."

"Hotch, we got a call from the Nevada PD. Serial killer with the possibility of several other accomplices in the Henderson, Nevada area. JJ is ready to present the rest of the case." Gideon's voice carried through the bullpen. Hotch sighed and looked around at all of his team members who patiently waited his orders.

"Alright, into the round table room."

Once they got there, the information if the killings were presented by JJ and left the team thinking about the case.

"The symbol carved into the victims' flesh... what does it mean?" Morgan asked, looking at Hotch and Gideon for answers. Hotch looked at Gideon expectantly who looked at Hotch in the same way who frowned.

"Uhhhh... this is why we have Spencer..." Hotch said. Gideon opened his mouth to say something before a voice came from the doorway behind the team.

"It's known as the Earth Symbol. Also known as the sun cross, solar cross and as a Hopi medicine wheel. It's the symbol for mother earth in pagan religions such as wicca and other forms of witchcraft. The four sections sometimes represent the four seasons or the four elements of the earth."

Everyone whipped around to see Spencer leaning in the door frame of the threshold. He was fully dressed as Spencer usually would: his vest, his tie his dress shirt, his coat, and his satchel slung over his shoulder.

"Hey, there's our boy. Just couldn't stay away, could you?" Morgan grinned.

"Reid, I thought I gave you a few days off at least." Hotch said sternly as he looked up at Spencer. Reid cringed ad looked at the ground.

"I- I feel better being here." he said. Hotch notice he definitely looked better. His face wasn't as pale, he stood stronger, looked well fed. Still, anyone could tell that he had just been through some awful stuff.

"Reid..."

"With all due respect, Hotch... I don't think you guys can survive without me." JJ couldn't help but laugh at Hotch's surprised but amused expression. Morgan chuckled and let out a low whistle.

"Don't make us take you back, kid." he joked. Spencer gave a weak smile then turned to give a pleading look towards Hotch. His eyes bore into Aaron's and as much as he would've liked to say that puppy dog eyes didn't work on him, Spencer resembled a kicked puppy in that moment and plus Hotch already felt guilty for Spencer being kidnapped. That look wasn't helping either.

"Fine. You're not going anywhere, though. Go find Garcia." Hotch gave in. Spencer grinned with excitement and nodded before he turned and slightly limped through the office to find Penelope.

"Kid's crazy..." Hotch muttered, making Gideon and Morgan chuckle

"That's why we Love him." Derek said.

"There's my little genius!" a familiar voice squeeled as Spencer walked into the dark room full of computer monitors. Garcia sprung up from her chair with her bright yellow sandals and matching yellow blouse and enveloped Reid in her arms a little too tightly.

"Can't... Garcia!" Spencer choked out as he tried to find air. Penelope let up a bit, then let go.

"Sorry, baby boy. You had me worried to death, you know."

"My bad." Spencer said sarcastically. She beamed and led him over to a chair to sit down.

"So what brings you to my chamber of amazing superiority?" Garcia asked. "Hotch said he wasn't letting you come back to work for a while."

"... The privilege to work is a gift; the power to work is a blessing; the love of work is success. David O. McKay." Spencer answered, making Garcia smile wider. Spencer frowned in confusion.

"What..."

"I missed you, wonder boy."

"Aw, I missed you too Garcia."'

Just as Garcia started rambling on and on about how Spencer was incredibly lucky to have the privilege of spending a day with her, the door clicked open behind then.

"Don't overwhelm him, sweetheart." Morgan laughed watching Spencer massage his temples from a Garcia induced headache. Penelope made a mock-hurt face.

"I am doing no such thing!"

Morgan raised his eyebrows as if to sarcastically say 'sureeeeeee!' then made his way to Reid, handing him a coffee.

"Here you go, pretty boy. Hotch said no caffeinated."

"I'm not going to get hyper!" Spencer defended, but took the coffee anyway. "You know... coffee was originally eaten in old African tribes who mixed coffee beans with fat to for edible balls to enhance energy." Reid said in one quick string of words. Morgan looked at him strangely like he was some alien life form.

"Gross..." he said. "So I'm guessing that's your way of saying thank you?"

Reid smiled shyly and apologetically. "Thanks." he said. "Wow, I'm being pampered. Maybe I should be kidnapped more often."

"Don't even think about it, kid."

Morgan began to walk off but not before Spencer called out one more thing.

"Uh, hey Morgan? How much sugar-"

"No less than half a cup, Reid." Morgan interrupted, obviously expecting the question. Spencer smiled to himself, satisfied. It felt good to be home. 


	3. Dilaudid

It had been a week since Reid had been kidnapped and things were finally getting back to normal for the most part. He had his first case back in the field the other day, although he noticed that everyone was still highly protective of him. He knew they had ways been, Spencer being the baby brother of their dysfunctional family, but lately they stayed especially close. He was grateful that they cared so much, but he was ready to just get things back to normal and forget the whole ordeal.

Throwing his keys on the counter, Reid shut his apartment door behind him. He dropped his satchel on the ground next to the couch and then collapsed into the soft cushions. It was only 7pm but lately everything wore Spencer out more than usual. He ran his hand through his hair and then curled up on the sofa. Within less than a minute, he was already sleeping.

"Please... I don't want it..." Reid whimpered. His body hurt everywhere and he was scared to death but he still wanted nothing to do with drugs. He wanted to be stronger than that.

Tobias tightened the belt around his arm anyway and fastened it in place while readying the syringe...

Spencer Reid wine with a start. He was shaking like crazy, tears threatened to run down his face, sweat covered his forehead, an he was sore all over; he was going through withdrawal.

Spencer frantically tapped his hand on his knee as the anxiety settled in. He felt mad at... Everything. He remembered irritability being one of the main symptoms. He felt like he was being tortured all over again... He needed another fix.

No! Reid scolded himself. He wasn't some drug junkie! What was he thinking? But every last inch if his body screamed for the Dilaudid that was stuffed away in his bag. Spencer wanted to believe that he was strong enough to refuse, but he just wasn't. With shaky hands, Reid reached over to dig in his bag for the small containers of the drugs. Papers, folders, pens... where was the Dilaudid!? Spencer felt a rush of fear and anger rush through him until finally, his hand closed around the cool glasses of the clear liquid. Reid pulled the drugs out and turned them around in the palm of his hand to observe them.

No, no, no, no... His conscious screamed, but Spencer Reid ignored it. He undid the latch of his belt with a click and pulled it off from around his waist. He set the bottles down on the couch cushion while he struggled with fastening the belt around his upper arm. The leather of the belt was still warm from being wrapped around Spencer all day, but the buckle was cold as he fastened it with one hand. Reid felt like he was in some kind of desperate dream as he rolled up the sleeve of his dress shirt. Spencer flinched at the track marks already in the crook of his elbow. He felt weak and cowardly, but he needed this. He wanted to get away, feel numb, let everything go...

Spencer prepared the syringe with the clear liquid and shakily held the needle right above his arm. Reid hesitated for a long whole before he took a deep but shaky breath and plunged the needle into his arm, releasing the Dilaudid into his veins.

1 month... It ha been 1 month now since Spence had been kidnapped. A month since he had developed his addiction. The past 30 days had been filled with anxiety, fixes every other day, and Reid being extremely snappy and irritable towards his team unnecessarily. He didn't mean to, it just came out of no where. He knew his team members were catching on and they all had tried to approach him numerous times, but he pushed them away. Spencer hadn't been this ashamed since he sent his mother away. He needed to stop now. Today, as Reid sat reading in his family room, was the day where he would stop isn't once and for all. He could do it... couldn't he?

Within a couple of hours, all hope ha diminished within Spencer. The withdrawal symptoms were beginning to hit him and he was feeling an overwhelming strong need for Dilaudid. It scared him to know how out of control he was, and if he didn't do something, he would give into the temptation within minutes from now. Reid did the only thing he could think of doing in his desperate time of need. He pulled out his phone from his pocket and hit his second speed dial number.

"Spence, what's up?" JJs voice emanated from the phone's speaker. Spencer was shaking at this point, sweat collecting in his forehead. His body ached and anxiety controlled his mind and body.

"Jayge..." Spencer croaked, his voice breaking. JJ immediately picked up on the sound of his voice.

"Spence, what's wrong?"

"P- Please come over. Need help." He whimpered as violent chills racked his body.

"Stay there, Spence. I'm on my way." she said, and then the line went dead. Spencer closed his phone and threw it onto the other side of the couch. He wrapped his arms around himself and curled up in a tight ball on the couch. He eyed his bag longingly, wishing to just give in and to make it all better. He had a war raging within himself and after a few minutes, ironically the weak side was winning. Just one more... Just one more...

JJ knocked on Reid's door frantically. Her hair was up in a ponytail and she was in her sweats and tight t-shirt that she was lounging around in when she had gotten Spencer's call. The sound of his voice... he sounded so scared and so broken. The thought if it sent shivers down JJs spine and made her pound on the door even more aggressively than before.

"Spence! It's JJ, open up!" he didn't even bother keeping the fear out if her voice. Why wasn't he answering? What if he was dead?

"Spencer!" she was nearly screaming now and still no answer. JJ ran her hands through her hair anxiously and paced while trying to keep her breathing to a seminormal pace. She realized she still had her phone and snatched it from her pocket and hit Spencer's speed dial number. Tapping her foot quickly, Jennifer waited for an answer. She got something different instead; a ringtone... Spencer's ringtone. And it was coming from inside of his apartment.

Please pick up, please pick up... JJ repeated to herself over and over again. The phone just kept ringing from the other side of the door until it went to voicemail, making JJ slam her hand onto the door frame With frustration.

She put her phone back and then pressed her ear to the door and listened... Nothing. JJ didn't even bother keeping her breathing down at this point. Just when she was about to call 911, she heard something come from inside his apartment... a sniffle, like someone was quietly crying.

"Spence?" she croaked. Jennifer's mind was racing out if control and oils barely think straight. The only thing she could think to do was to kick the door down, but surely she wouldn't be able to do that. JJ whipped her phone out again and prayed that she would get an answer to her call...

"Hello? JJ?"

"Morgan! How close are you to Reid's place? I need you down here ASAP!"

"What! Why? Wait- never mind. Just calm down and I will be there on 2 minutes." JJ nodded to herself and then flipped her phone closed. She noticed for the first time that she was shaking in fear. JJ took a deep breath and then tried to calm down. she needed to think but the only think she could think of was her baby Spencer lying dead on the floor...

JJ squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head back and forth to try and rid if the thought. This wasn't helping her. There was something else, something she was missing. She could feel it.

Suddenly Agent Jareau gasped. A memory flooded back to her of when her an Reid had come back here to get some stuff to bring to JJs place on the night Reid was liberated from Tobias. Spencer hadn't had a key with him, but he always kept one under the potted plant at the end of the hallway...

JJ ran to the tall fake plant and got down in her knees to try to lift the heavy pot. Her breath caught in her throat as she revealed a small silver key that stood out against the dull beige carpet of the hallway. JJ snatched it up and let the plant fall back into place carelessly as she pushed herself up and stumbled to Spencer's door. She fumbled with the key, trying too frantically to get the door open.

Finally, she twisted the key in the lock and flung the door open. She didn't know what she expected to see; blood, a killer, Spencer's dead body? However she was not expecting to see this... Spencer was sitting on the floor with his back up against the couch and his knees pulled up against his chest. His eyes were wide, his face was pale like a ghost, and tears ran down his face. He wasn't interested in JJ through, he was working on tightening his leather belt around his upper arm. Jennifer was confused for a fraction if a second until everything clicked in her head.

"Spence! Stop!" she yelled, but he didn't pay Attention to her. It was as if he was in a frenzied trance and the only thing that mattered was getting the belt around his arm before injecting the drugs... Her Spencer was about to do drugs... How long has he been addicted? How did he get addicted? Spencer would be one if the last people who JJ would expect to do drugs. This was a kid who would rather sit at home alone with a book on a Friday night instead of at a bar or a party.

Jumping into action, Jareau race'd to Reid's side and pulled his hand away from the belt and tried to take it off.

"No! Jayge, please no..." he whimpered, breaking her heart into a million shattered pieces. JJ persisted in fighting against Spencer who was trying to push her away as forcefully as possible while still being gentle.

"Spencer, you are better than this..." She tried to reason as calmly as he possibly could. Reid shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut.

"No I'm not, I'm weak." Spencer's voice broke as he said this "I'm sorry, Jayge; I need it."

JJ couldn't believe what she was hearing from him. He was the smartest person she has ever known by far. How could he possibly not see how dangerous and wrong this was? Or maybe he does... JJ understood that it was extremely hard to stop using after one has already once or twice.

"No you don't, let me help you."

"No!"

Spencer wriggled out if Jennifer's grasp and grabbed an empty syringe that lied on the couch cushion behind his head.

"Spence!" Jennifer yelled just as another figure darted into the room. Morgan dropped to his knees behind where Spencer was huddled and wrapped his arms strongly around Spencer's torso and arms, holding him trapped there.

"You called Morgan!?" Spencer yelped as he hysterically thrashed in Derek's arms. "Let me go!" he muttered through gritted teeth. JJ had never seen him act so aggressive... Spencer was always so gentle.

Derek only tightened his arms around Spencer so that he could barely move.

"Drop it." Morgan demanded in a stern voice. Spencer jerked in his arms and attempted to free himself. This is what drugs had done to him... Spencer Was going aggressively insane now that he was kept from his next fix. JJ was so startled and horrified that she just froze there with wide eyes watching and hoping Spencer would see reason.

"Now." Morgan persisted.

"No!"

"Reid..."

"I don't need your help!"

"Drop it."

"No."

"Spencer!" Derek boomed, making an already terrified JJ jump. She was kneeling only one or two feet away from them, still not able to get herself to move. What else could she do? It was awful to watch her best friend so distressed. JJ did notice that Morgan's last shout had scared Spencer too though. He wasn't thrashing around anymore, but his muscles bulged as he strained against Derek's grip. Spencer completely stilled and Morgan relaxed just a little bit. His back muscles were easily revealed as they flexed under the tight white shirt he had on. He also had his nicer pair or dark jeans on. Jennifer wondered where he was that was only a two minutes drive away but at the moment it really didn't matter. She was just glad he had gotten her so quickly.

"Come on, baby boy.' Morgans deep smooth voice rumbled calmly. The sudden switch from hostile to gentle seemed to take Reid off guard. It even calmed JJ down too. "You know JJ and I... We both love you, Reid. We just want to help you. Please let us." Morgan quietly said. JJ never noticed how calm and soothing Morgan's voice could be. It sure worked on her, she just hoped it would have the same effect on Spencer.

She was relieved when she saw Reid let himself relax in Morgan's arms so that the only reason that he was still upright was because Morgan was holding him up. With a small thump, Reid let the syringe go and it hit the carpeted floor. JJ was finally able to jump Into action. She reached forward and snatched the syringe up and out it in her pocket. She watched as Morgan gently released Spencer on to the floor so that he was huddle up against the couch. Morgan sat back on his heels breathing hard and rubbing his hands over his face. JJ rushed to Spencer's side. She sat with her back lying against the bottom of the sofa and pulled Spencer into her arms. He rested his head in her shoulder and let himself quietly cry. JJ took a deep breath and held Spencer close while rubbing his back.

"Shhh, you're ok. It's ok, Spence.' She whispered into his hair.

"No..." He just barely choked out. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." He was shaking and occasionally sniffling in JJs arms. She was glad that he was finally opening up to them after weeks of weird and distant behavior, but watching him hurt make her heart ache. He was shaking more and more with each second that passed by and sweat collected on his back and forehead. He buried himself into JJ like he was trying to stay warm... Withdrawal symptoms she realized.

"Spence," JJ whispered, not knowing what to say. Luckily Morgan spoke up.

"Reid, we need you to tell us everything from the beginning when your ready. I want the what, where, when, how and all of that." Derek said calmly but firmly at the same time, "Kay?"

Spencer took a deep breath and nodded into JJ's neck. After a few moments of JJ squeezing him and kissing the top of his head, Reid finally let everything out. The Dilaudid with Tobias, taking it at the graveyard, having his fix every other day and the awful withdrawals. Morgan kept his eyes on the floor with an unreadable expression, but Jennifer's had surprise and hurt all over it. Everything made so much sense now.

"I'm sorry... I didn't want it, I didn't." Whispered Spencer. JJ nodded and kept an arm around his shoulders.

"We know. But you've got to stop."

"I know... Jayge I- I just can't,"

"Hey." Morgan interrupted. "Reid, you may think that you aren't strong enough, but you are. I know you are."

Reid weakly smiled, but then shivers overtook him.

"Withdrawal's a bitch." JJ heard him mutter as he receded back into her arms again. JJ laughed and Morgan joined her.

"Did our Spencer Reid just swear?" He asked with astonishment. Reid shakily laughed which turned into jittery breaths.

"I'll stay with you through it." JJ told him while lying her head against his that was nestled in her shoulder and neck.

"Yeah, me too. What kind of movies you got around here, boy wonder" Morgan asked while getting up to examine Reid's many bookshelves.

"R- really? You guys would?" Spencer asked, gently pushing away from JJ to sit up straight.

"Of course, Spence. We'll always be here." JJ said.

"Just please actually accept our help." Morgan called from across the room. Reid looked down at the ground and seemed to think about it.

"Okay." he finally said quietly. "And I hope you like either Scy-Fi or documentaries, Morgan."

"Let's go with Scy-Fi." Derek chuckled. JJ stood up and took Spencer's hand to help him stand as well: he was still pale and shaky but the frenzied look had finally gone from his eyes leaving abnormally large pupils that made him look even more vulnerable. Spencer was strong though, and JJ knew that she babies him, but Spencer doesn't exactly have anyone else there to be a family for him so JJ happily fills in the role along with the rest of the BAU.

"You have a blanket somewhere?" JJ asked. Spence weakly nodded towards a closet that JJ went to and retrieved a deep navy blue blanket from. Morgan was pushing a DVD in the player and JJ was wrapping the blanket around Spencer's shoulders. She sat on the couch and leaned back so that she was half lying down and half sitting up. She opened up her arms and Spencer gratefully moved into them. In any other case, JJ wouldn't be so close with someone, especially someone who was only her best friend and not anything more, but this was Spencer. He was basically her brother and he was shivering like they were sitting on the middle of Antarctica instead of Quantico.

"It'll be over soon, Spence." JJ mumbled into his hair. Spencer nodded and adjusted his head into a comfy position on her shoulder.

"In any other circumstance I would definitely take a picture to later make fun of you guys." Derek said. JJ rolled her eyes playfully and watched Derek take a place on the floor as the movie previews started.

"Uh... no telling Hotch, right? I mean, I'm done now I promise." Spencer said awkwardly.

"As long as you promise not to, we didn't see anything." Derek confirmed. Reid let out a sigh if relief that made JJ relax. She was so lucky to have him alive. 


	4. Intoxication

1 month turned into 3 months. That's how long it's been since Spencer has been clean. Some days were great, most days were great in fact. But there were bad days, days where Spencer couldn't escape the sound of Rafael's voice or the feeling of dying while writhing on the cold cement floor. He had wanted Dilauded so bad at times, but then he though of JJ and Morgan and how dissappointed they would be. That night three months ago, JJ and Morgan had stayed with Reid all through his withdrawal, just as promised. At the end of the night, Morgan had asked Reid to give him the drugs, but Reid insisted saying that he wanted to destroy them himself just to say that he could. He promised he would, but when he stood over the sink with the uncapped bottles in the bathroom alone, he just couldn't bring himself to pour it all down the drain.

Now Spencer was surrounded by bright lights and loud music with his best friends around him. They were at a local bar around the corner from Spencer's apartment. They just had finished another case the other night and were relaxing before another one popped up. Derek had gotten a few drinks in his system and was now swarmed by girls on the dance floor. JJ and Garcia were laughing hysterically at somethingat the bar with drinks in their hands, and Hotch was telling Gideon some story about Jack, Haley smiling beside him. The only person alone wsa Emily sitting in a leather couch with her Martini. She was watching her friends and smiling, but Spencer watched as it faded. He sighed and moved around the crowd towards Emily. After accidenntally bumping into a grinding couple and muttering an awkward "sorry", Spencer let himself fall onto the couch next to Prentiss.

"Why are you over here all alone?" Spencer asked, frowning at her. Emily raised her eyebrows and took a sip of her drink.

"No sarcastic, sassy comment today?" she asked him, making Reid grimace. He had been giving Emily a particularly hard time when he was hit with irritability symptoms. He had recently started trying to mend things with, but she wasn't too forgiving. Spencer didn't blame her.

"Emily, I'm sorry." Reid said, looking at her. She didn't look back. She didn't say anything either.

"Em-"

"Am I- I mean do I belong here, Spencer? I want to, I want to be part of this team, but if I'm not welcome..." she faded off. Reid felt awful. He'd never been one to be mean... ever. He'd always been the typical 'nerdy sweetheart' as JJ had once described it, but lately he wasn't himself. And to make matters worse, he'd never seen Emily Prentiss as much as flinch and how he watched her doubt herself because of him.

"No, no! Everyone loves you..."

"Not everyone." she interupted. Spencer sighed and watched her gaze across the room with an empty stare.

"Not true. What would it take for you to forgive me?" he asked over the loud sound of Foo Fighters playing through the bar's speakers.

"Hmmm... I think a hug then another drink would suffice." Emily finally gave in while looking over at him and giving Reid a small smile. Spencer beamed and gave a small laugh.

"Deal." he said, putting his arm over her shoulders and pulling her into a hug. Emily wrapped the arm not holding her drink around the middle of his back.

"Sorry... that's not who I am, I swear." Spencer apologized again as he pulled away.

"I know, Reid. Now come on. Have you ever done shots?"

Spencer frowned and shook his head. "Nearly 88,000 people die from alcohol related deaths making it the third leading preventable cause of death."

Emily raised her eyebrows at him and slowly nodded.

"Riiiiiight..." Come on, genious. There's a first for everything."

JJ felt someone rest their chin on her shoulder from behind. She was about to get super pissed thinking it was some drunk stranger trying to pick her up, but relaxed when she saw it was Spencer.

"Hey, Spence." she said, a little confused as to why he was being so clingy.

"It's her fault!" Spencer slurred his words when mumbling into JJ's shoulder. She smelled a faint scent of alcohol on him.

"Spencer Reid, are you drunk?" JJ asked, surpressing the urge to burst out laughing. Spencer frowned and seemed to deeply think about this.

"It appears so..."

Garcia cracked up on the stool in front of JJ, interupting Spencer.

"Who did this to our little genius?" she asked, looking around. Spencer stood up straight and nearly toppled over before JJ grabbed his arm to steady him.

"P- Pen- Pri- Print-" he tried to slur while squinting against the colorful lights flashing around their heads.

"Prentiss?" JJ asked, smiling up at him. "How'd Emily get you drunk?"

"Yeah, we've been trying for years!" Penelope piped in. Spencer's eyes went unecessarily wide and the same for his mouth.

"WHAT! You have?" He asked, completely flabberghasted. Suddenly he smiled.

"I'm going to get more tequilla. I feel like more tequilla."

JJ laughed and genly led Spencer to a seat next to her so that she could watch over him.

"Oh no you don't. And suddenly his IQ is cut in half." JJ muttered.

"Hah! Now it's 93.5!" Spencer said as if it were the greatest thing in the world.

"Yeah, you don't need any more tequilla." Garcia confirmed, taking another sip of her Margarita as Spencer stuck his tongue out at her. JJ rubbed his shoulder.

"Play nice, Spence."

"Oh come on," a new voice said from behind them. "Our boy wonder needs to loosen up a bit." Morgan said. Spencer swung around in his seat to see who had said it, that he slid off his chair and tumbled to the floor.

"Oh! Spence..." JJ exclaimed as she kneeled on the ground to take Spencer's arm and help him up.

"he's plenty loose!" Garcia laughed, making Derek join in.

"Is he drunk? Man this is great... there's so much I want to make drunk-Reid do starting with getting girls. Come on, Reid. I'll take care of you."

"Woah, woah, woah... If I let him go with you in this condition it's unlikely that I'll ever get him back." Jennifer protested jokingly as Spencer stood to follow Derek.

"Come on, a little trust Jareau!" he smiled his coky charming smile. JJ rolled her eyes.

"No more drinks for Spence!" she called after them.

"Ok, Mom." Spencer snorted sarcastically. JJ turned wide eyes and an appalled look towards him as she let out a short surprised laugh. Spencer looked frightened at her face and gave a small uncomfortable wave before stumbling away as quicly as possible before he got it from JJ.

"3.14159265358979323..."

"SPENCER!" Hotch reprimanded.

"Now I have to start all over again!"

Everyone in the car groaned in agony. It was one thirty AM in Quantico, Virginia and the team decided to call it a night. Hotch and Haley had to get back to Jack, JJ had to get up early in the morning, and Reid had passed out in a corner of the bar. Unfortunately for Hotch, Haley, JJ and MOrgan who were in the car with him now, Reid had woken up. Ever since they pulled out of the parking lot, no one could get him to stop reciting pi.

"3.14159..."

"I liked it a lot better when that girl was keeping his mouth quiet." JJ mumbled while rubbing her temples.

"Yeah, with her mouth!" Morgan chuckled.

"Kissing for one minute burns an average of 26 calories." Spencer slurred from the backseat.

"Hah! Well then you burned..." Morgan faded off trying to figure it out.

"197.6243 repeating calories!" Spencer chirped excitedly. Hotch laughed from the driver's seat... an actual genuine laugh.

"Woah, did Hotch just laugh?" Derek asked. Haley chuckled and squeezed Aaron's hand from the passenger seat.

"He used to a lot, you know." She smiled.

"Statistics show that a child laughs 400 times a day on average. An adult only laughs 4-11 times a day, and the average Hotch laughs about once a year."

"I'm still your boss, Reid."

"Right, shutting up."

"I never wouldn't guessed being drunk would've made him more annoying." Morgan joked.

"I'm not drunk! I just feel dizzy and like I'm going to either pass out or throw up..."

"Hey, not in my car or I'm cutting your wages." Hotch said. Reid groaned.

"Oh just wait until the morning, baby boy. You'll be hurting." Derek warned him.

The SUV shifted as Hotch turned into the parking lot of Reid's apartment complex, causing Spencer to fall over int hte backseat. JJ looked back at her freind who didn't bother getting back up.

"You ok, Spence?"

"These seats... they're comfy."

"Oook, Spence. Come on, I'm gonna get you to bed." Jennifer told him. She popped open her door and turned to Hotch.

"I'll be right back." she informed him, since Hotch was her ride home. It was originally supposed to be Spencer since no one expected him to be drunk, but here he was stumbling out of the car, probably not even knowing what day it was. With help from Morgan and despite Reid's protests, they got Spencer out of the car without face planting the ground. JJ let him put an arm around her shoulders as she helped him stagger up to his apartment.

"I'm not tired!" Spencer complained as JJ pulled the blanket over him. He was sprawled out in his bed in a clean tee shirt and sweatpants, J thought it probably wasn't safe from him to take a shower in this state, so he could take one in the morning.

"Shhh... yes you are. You can barely keep your eyes open."

"No, no! See!" Spencertried to open his eyes wide which just made Jennifer laugh at the face he was making.

"Believe me: You're not going to want to wake up tomorrow. Now let's go over what I told you."

"I'm not five, Jayge."

"Please, Spence? It'll make me feel better."

Spencer groaned. "Don't go anywhere, run to the bathroom if I need to throw up, call you if I need anything." Spencer recited. "Oh, and drink lots of water."

"Good Spencer." JJ smiled. She leaned down and kissed the top of his head.

"We have a 1 in 423,548 chance of dying from falling out of bed."

"Then you better be careful."

"80% of people with STDs don't even know they have it."

"Now you're weirding me out."

"The average person spends five years waiting in line collectively."

"Spencer..."

"43% of pilots admit to falling asleep during their flight."

"SPENCER! Bed!" JJ demanded when she had had enough.

"Ughhh... good night, Jayge."

"Night, Spencer."


	5. Relapse

It felt like his head was about to explode. Spencer had felt the "definition of shit" all day as Morgan had once described one of his own hangovers. He had just curled up on his couch and slept it off all day since his head hurt too much to even read. The only problem was that he was suffering from nightmares. Nightmares of a cemetary, of being dragged through a cornfield barely conscious, of Dilaudid... he wasn't sure if it was the alcohol causing his subconcious mind to run wild, but whatever it was, he wanted it to go away. Hotch, JJ and Morgan had all called earlier to make sure that he was okay. Spencer didn't know why they babied him so much. He appreciated that they worried, but sometimes he felt overcrowded. Now he waskind of wishing someone would call again to take his mind off of something he never wanted to think about again...

Reid groaned and pushed himself up. His head throbbewd and his muscles ached in protest. Spencer looked around at the book cases that cover his walls, trying to distract himself. Hundreds of books stared back at him but not one of them kept Spencer's mind away from what he was really craving.

The rest of the day entitled Spencer taking Tylonol when possible and trying to take his mind off the Dilaudid in his closet. By 8pm, it wasn't working.

"Shit..." HOtch muttered. He was just getting out of his car from taking Jack for ice cream and his eye caught something in his back seat: SPencer's satchel. He must've left it back there last night. Hotch wasn't surprised. He was completely and utterly wasted.

Reaching to take the bag from his car, Hotch though Spencer would probably want it ASAP. He rarely saw Reid without it. He didn't have time, though. He promised to make dinner for him, Haley, and Jack since today was a rare day off. He tried to think of someone on the team who wouldn't be busy.

"Morgan." Hotch siad once he punched in Derek's number.

"Ah, man. we have another case already?" Morgan's voice came over the speaker.

"Yeah, it's called come get Reid's bag and then run it over to him." Aaron said as he walked in the door of his house. "Please." he added. Morgan sighed.

"You're lucky I've just been sleeping off last night all day."

"Thanks Morgan."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be there in a few."

Hotch grinned and hung up, slipping his phone into his pocket once more.

"Spencer! I've got your man purse!" Morgan called out as he knocked on the door a second time. Poor kid was probably hurting after last night, even moreso than Morgan.

He knocked a third time and started getting worried. He knew that JJ had told him not to go anywhere today. Could he have left?

Morgan took out his phone and tried Spencer. On the third ring, he heard Spencer's phone coming from inside Reid's apartment. What if he was in trouble? Morgan was sick of watching his best friend struggle. It had gone on all too long for the poor kid.

"Reid!"

Derek was just about to break down the door when he noticed how the door knob moved when he knocked on the door. morgan hesitantly grasped the knob in his hand and turned... it was open. Derek rushed into the family room and looked around quickly... no Spencer. He moved to another room which appeared to be Spencer's bedroom. He almost yelled out "clear!" out of habit. The sheets and blankets were tangled all on top of the bed in the middle of the room, but no sign of Spencer. MOrgan put the satchel on the ground and looked around carefully. He moved to another door and swung it open in one swift movement revealing a dark closet full of ties, vest, dress shirts, and dress pants but no Reid.

Morgan shut the door and turned to where a small sliver of light projected across the carpeted floor. Derek made his way around the large bed to where anoter door was open just a crack. Golden light filtered out so Morgan stepped into the light to see in the cracked spack between the door and the door frame. The room seeemd to be a bathroom from the small part that Morgan could see.

"Reid?"

Derek shifted his gaze to a part of a mirror on the wall inside the bathroom to see the reflecdtion of a body slumped on the floor... Spencer's body.

"Spencer!" he exclaimed as he pulled the door open. Spencer was slumped up against the wall, his head lolled back, mouth slightly agape. His eyes were closed, but his chest slightly rose and fell... at least he was breathing. The worst part was the belt around his arm and the syringes and small glass bottles beside Reid.

"Nooooo, no, no, no... What have you done, kid?"

Reid shifted a bit and groaned, his eyes flickering open then closed again. Morgan kneeled next to Spencer and gently shook his shoulder.

"Spencer! Spencer, come on man." Spencer moaned and mumbled something.

"What?"

"I- I'm sorry..."

"Spencer, why?" Morgan demanded, frustrated. He didn't understnd why Reid did this to himself and felt like he need Dilaudid. The kid had so much going for him.

"I- I-" Spencer tried to talk, but the drugs overpowered him and his eyes fluttered closed.

"Don't talk, we'll do that later. I'm going to get you to bed, kay?"

Spencer weakly nodded. Morgan put his arms underneath Spencer's and hoised him up. Reid fell heavily against Derek's chest as he dragged him into his bedroom. Reid's skinny figure decieved him... it was not easy hoisting his limp body up into his bed.

"You're heavier than you look, kid." Morgan grunted. Reid mumbled something about his mother and Derek realized he had no idea what to do. Reid was higher than high, but what was he supposed to do about it? He most certaintly couldn't leave him. Derek thought about it and decided to pull out his phone.

"NO!" Morgan jumped as Reid yelled with as much force as he could through heavy words. He stared at him with droopy eyes, but the fear in them was undoubtedly there.

"Who- who are you calling?"

"JJ. Reid, I don't know what to do with you anymore. She needs to know-"

"No, no! Please..." Reid slurred. He closed his eyes and groaned. "She'll be so disappointed..." he whispered. Derek ignored Reid's protests and called.

"Oh god... Is he- Is he high?" JJ asked as she rushed into Reid's room. Derek raised his eyebrows and nodded.

"As the Empire State Building." Morgan muttered.

"Oh SPence..." she mumbled, moving to his side. His eyes were closed, but occasionally fluttered. He was completely out of it, the track marks clear and visible on his arm.

"So what do I do with these?" MOrgan asked, holding out his hand to show JJ the small containers of clear liquid.

"He siad he destroyed them." JJ mumbled. She looked atSpencer and felt so much boil in her chest... hurt, sympathy, but mostly anger at this point. Wy did he do this? He promised her and he lied.

"I want him to destroy them." she said, anger apparent in her voice.

"Jayge... you okay?" Morgan asked, sounding a bit confused and frightened by her sudden angry tone.

"He's stronger than this." she said through gritted teeth. Morgan put a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, I know Jayge. It's frustrating, but you know he wishes he could stop. I don't think this has been an ongoing thing. I think it was a relapse. We're going to wait here, and when he comes back from La-La Land we'll end it once and for all."

"No one can end it but himself." JJ whispered. rears now threatened to spill down her cheecks. She though it was over... she thought she was done worrying about if Spencer would suddenlly overdose one day and die without warning. He had promised her...

Spencer groggily opened his eyes and instantly was greeted with a slap in the face that would've stung a lot more if he wasn't so surprised by it at first.

"Jennifer! Woah, woah, woah..." Spencer heard Derek's voice. He didn't have any idea of what was going on or why Morgan was in his apartment. Had he said Jennifer? JJ was the one who slapped him!? The only thing he knew for sure was that his head hurt and now the right side of his face stung. Spencer blinked a few tiems, focusing his vision on his bedroom around him. JJ sat on a chair next to his bed, fuming. Morgan was making his way to her side, and as he did, everything came back to Spencer: The drugs, Morgan finding him, JJ's anger... he felt awful to say the very least.

Spencer put his arm over his eyes to shield hismelf from the blairing lights and then groaned.

"I'm sorry." he whispered, peeking over his arm to look at Derek and JJ.

"Yeah, you said that last time, remember? When you promised to stop?" JJ asked coldly. Morgan sighed and put a hand on JJ's shoulder which she slapped away before storming off.

"Hey," MOrgan called out. "JJ!"

She didn't restpond though. Spencer didn't blame her, pushing himself out of bed. As soon as he hit the carpet, he stumbled towards the door.

"Woah, woah, woah! Where are you going?" Morgan asked, following Reid.

"After JJ."

Luckily she didn't seem to have any intentions of leaving and was standing looking out Reid's window. Spencer stopped a few feet behind her to give her some space.

"Jayge.."

"I don't want to hear your excuses, Reid." she cut him off. Spencer looked at the gorund guiltily.

"I'm trying, JJ... I am..." he said, quietly. Morgan sighed behind him.

"You could lose your job, Spence. Hell, we could lose our jobs for not reporting you while we know." he told him. Spencer cringed. If anything, he really didn't want to get his friends in trouble when all they have done was help him. "This ends here, Reid."

Spencer nodded and glanced back at Morgan.

"Did you destroy it?" he asked in a small voice. Derek's deep nearly-black eyes bore into him so he turned to look at the floor again.

"No... we agreed you should do it."

"I tried! I couldn't!" Spencer said with renewed vigor and frustration. Morgan put a strong hand on his hsoulder face them. Spencer felt his heart drop when he saw tears in her eyes.

"JJ..." he tried to start, but she wouldn't have it.

"What makes me think I can trust you, Spencer?" she firmly said, although her volume was just about a whisper.

"JJ please... I'm sorry..."

"Then promise me for real this time. Promise me that I won't have to worry about coming here to find you dead or that you'll be fired, or hurt, or-"

"Jayge... I promise." spencer said. He said it with all honesty, too. He wanted to stop, if not for him then his friends who he didn't want to have to watch him fall apart.

JJ seemed to relax. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes before moving forward to pull Spencer into a hug. He gratefully snaked his arms around her waist and squeezed her tightly.

"Sorry, Jayge." he mumbled for what seemed like the thousandth time, and he'd say it a thousand times more if he had to.

"I'm sorry for going off on you... and slapping you." she said as she pulled back, giving him an apologetic smile.

"I deserved it."

"Ain't that the truth." Derek piped in. "come on. let's go get rid of these."

Later that night Spencer fell asleep while reading in bed. It was hard to watch and do, but Spencer poored all of the Dilaudid out down the drain. JJ and MOrgan stayed with him for a bit after that, and then called it a night and went home. Spencer finally kciked most of his hangover effects and gratefully accepted a dreamless sleep. He had a feeling today was the last day he ever had to encounter the burden of the Dilaudid again and finally, he slept soundly. 


End file.
